Tuesday, September 29, 2009

It's 3 a,m. and I can't sleep....

What gives... I can't sleep... woke up around 0130 and had to tinkle... and now nothing. I started thinking about work, evals, how did mine bomb... I didn't realize I would be picked and pulled apart... a part of me just didn't want to hear it and was butt hurt by it... my self-sabotaging self wondered how I had gone so wrong, first to the Sailor and second the the Chief who's there representing us... I steered him wrong and this is what is keeping me up... I failed people... a few... I should have kept my mouth shut and stayed at work.

OK no more debbie downer stuff... I could get stuck here for days... and I will no doubt linger on it for a while... I would call the Chief and apologize if it wasn't stupid dark thirty.

Things eat at me. Things never bother Neil... I wish I could be more like him sometimes. Is it confidence? Is it just his maleness or is he really sensitive in there but just doesn't let anyone else see it. sigh... then there is me... over sensitive... and it sucks... and I know it. It's a weakness... I wonder if there is a self-hypnosis tape for that. I have been practicing my hypnobirthing but I feel like I keep falling asleep, I feel calmer lately but I hope I am getting something out of it. Neil hasn't been reading me the scripts, so it's the one hypnosis suggestion that is going to have to work if this baby comes soon.. we will see I suppose.

I go to the doctor today at 0730 and he is going to do an exam, so we will see if I am dialated. If I am he said he would strip my membranes... so we will see more later.

Oh also I am on the web! http://www.crystalooneys.com/gallerybellyandbodypainting.html

Ok why did I think of that.. because today at about the same time I got two missed calls. One from Mom saying she was having sympathy cramping (she is postmenopause so there is no reason she should be having any contractions) and then Crystalene called me too saying she was thinking of me all day. Wild huh? And this evening I have a bought of severe nesting and I have been cramping all day. I suppose we are almost there! I have had back aches, I can't get comfortable, I can't get rid of this indigestion though either... and who knows if the evals are really what's keeping me up or what...

Sigh.. I am going to turn the tube on and get off the internet before I waste my whole night here... sigh... night night...

Saturday, September 26, 2009

In the birthing window but, what is this goo?

We are finally in the "window", home stretch... and our baby is safe to be born now! Doc says it could be any day and I am sooooo excited! I just can't wait to meet him!!! He moves so much and he is so big, or at least my belly is so big and severely uncomfortable at this point! Next week the doc is going to get a visual to see where we are at...

This is going to be TMI but sit tight... My body has been letting down some "goo", it's kinda jello'y, but clear. I suppose it's only more "getting ready" stuff that the body does, still strange. Let's see.. other signs... I have been nesting... I have had a couple crampy contractions, and I have been more emotional, or at least that's what Neil would say... it's cause I am asking him to do more I suppose...

The weather is cooling off and it's an absolute blessing as I am still very warm most times - Neil still struggles at night to keep the blankets on him. I sleep without covers, just a lot of pillows!! Last night some contractions were waking me though, they are only Braxton Hicks but it's practice for the real thing!!! Can't wait! I have to keep practicing my hypnobirthing though, I have not been the best about listening to my affirmations and hypnosis CD. I think I will do that today while I finish up laundry.

The Nursery is done, thanks to friends and a little motivation! Thank goodness for the good people in my life! I couldn't be more grateful! It's a cute room, has all the basics just need to decorate it a bit more tomorrow.

So as for my energy level, I am sooo much more tired. I get out of bed, I go to work and by the time I am driving in or riding with Neil, I am toast and ready for another nap. I am so exhausted! I am ready for a nap before I even get to work. Last week I tried to scramble to get everything done but as that goes, there is still more to be done before I go. Hopefully this week I can through it but if not, well someone else will handle it... we are interchangeable!




Saturday I went (Neil dropped me off) to the Quiet Waters Art and Music Festival and Crystalene (of www.crystalooneys.com) painted my belly! She's also the one that did the henna on my tummy last week too! She is awesome, we met in Hypnobirthing class! She is Australian and the painting this week was for some music that was playing that involved a dirigido.

I think some apple muffins are in order... with the changing season and all time to celebrate the harvest!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Another wall goes down and little man heads south at 37!

We got some serious help Saturday from some seriously amazing people! Thank you Whitney, Derek and Ian for coming out. I am just so happy and so in awe of how kind you guys are. You gave us two new rooms this week and just about assembled our Ikea baby room!

We would have never been able to move that Armoire/Wardrobe with out the help of the boys! (we even had to cut a wall to get it out of the house!)

I must say our adventure to Ikea was a bit nutty... some guy in a Cadillac tried to run us off the road.. scary stuff. But had a wonderful Ihop breakfast too... seems like no trip is ever uneventful!

SO not only has the weekend turned out to be so great, but this past week we also participated in our annual induction of new Chiefs - a 24+ hour event that starts one morning and ends the next day/afternoon. It was wild and I am glad because this year we got a room on post and I was able to go get some rest. It was the only way I was going to make it through the night. This body as strong as it is, is exhausted easily and I am proud to report I lasted pretty good, even though I did not play any major roles, I just took a lot of pictures all night! I guess that is a helpful thing too! So now we have 30+ new Chiefs, I have very swollen tired feet, and I am very proud! Although some folks lost money as they were taking bets that I would go into labor that night... nope! All good! Just a few practice surges/contractions.

Hypnobirthing Class #2: Our instructor put us "out" for about 40 minutes Thursday night! I couldn't believe it though because all eight couples reported it felt like 10 minutes. Class is every Thursday 1830-2100, makes for a long day but it's so interesting. The idea is that you train your self to get into a hypnotic state and let your body do all the work! We are only animals... we should be able to birth like them! I just hope it all works out during the birth and that it's uneventful!

As we get closer I get a bit more and more worried but so excited at the same time. I ask myself.. what will it feel like? Will I be able to walk around? Will it be one of those 25 hour labors that you hear about? Will I endure the pain? Will he come out healthy? All those things are running around my head... or even if we are "ready enough" at home! I am just in awe that something so natural and so simple can be such a huge undertaking and life changing event. We have been doing it since the beginning of time and evolution!

Little man moves south! Either he's feeling the changing weather outside (I am wearing jogging pants for the first time this season!) or he's getting into position! I feel that I can breath easier now and indigestion frequency seems to be on the decline! Thank goodness... Pizza is about the only thing that really is causing me any problems.. so I will have to forgo it till he arrives! Little man is also been a bit of a mover lately. He is so very entertaining and I think I will miss all his movements. Now let me caveat that though... I am the slowest moving person on the planet too... I feel like I have become a sloth! I am still trying to work out at the gym a few days a week but man I am just sloooowwww... I have random spurts of energy but I suppose where the little guy decided to nestle is making it very difficult to move about. I even tried to help put the crib together last night... and I must say rolling around the floor... not an 8 and a half month pregnant lady's forte. I think I will let Neil finish that up!

That's this week in a nutshell! I just can't wait for our little man to arrive! Neil can't wait to dress him in collared shirts! ;)

Friday, September 18, 2009

"He's your Alisha"

CAVEAT: To Alisha, I love you honey and mean you no offense. I live vicariously through you!! I miss you and love you to pieces and don't see my life without you woman!

Story: Neil has a friend who is more drama than all my drama friends combined. I mean Alisha and I have had our falling out and falling back ins... but it's like a sisterhood. There is little that would ever ruin us! And now I watch Neil and his bud just falling apart and the silly drama that revolves around this guy. For Neil, who has no drama in his life and is such a simple guy full of sarcasm, it's funny his friend is so overly sensitive etc... it's like an opposites attract thing... so the other day told Neil.... He's your Alisha, but worse! LOL! OK anyways.... I thought it was funny.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Getting closer!!!

This week was interesting... it was so busy! It was soo so busy I have not had the time to write my blog!!!

The magic in my life seems so far away right now. I remember growing up and my grandmother had a "magic wand" (a twig with glitter and a satin ribbon for a handle), and every full moon the elves (in Spanish "enanos") would "come out" and we would have a chant in French that we would have to say... Something like "Petite baguete sukuto se fe..?", something to the extent, "little stick, little stick take me ....". Ok so my nanna, my mom, and my grandmother would be there with me and my two brothers and we were so little... and the stick would be in our hand being held by grandmother's or mom's hand... and the wand would start "shaking" and it would start pointing in a direction and seemingly pull. A few steps away all of a sudden there was sometimes a light, there was sometimes a little bag, but there was a little gift from the elves. It was always something small... a matchbox car, or a small dollie... but it was so neat. My mom or grandmother would say, "look there goes one now" and sure enough we would "see" them! They gave us the means to have such a wild imagination that we used to see them! Just like Santa Claus... we used to see him too and his reindeer! There was magic in our childhood. And I don't know, but throughout my life I have always had some sort of magic in it. Here lately I feel that it has slipped away from me, but at the same time I am so very much prepared to engage my little one's mind with all the wonders of the world! I can't wait to share this world with him!

Everyone just seems to be living in such a "plastic" world... material goods, credit cards, bigger, better... nothing can be simple. It seems no one is happy with anything they have, everyone needs more, everyone needs a better job, a better home... well ok there is a few people that don't live like that... but sigh.. I wish I could live simpler, but well, it's what comes with it all, life, this life, life in the "fast lane". Keeping us busy constantly! But granted we have all the bells and whistles anyone can ask for in a life. But I can't help but think of what's important in life and I feel that I am about to know for myself. This little man is about to change my life, give us both greater purpose! So much ahead!

So we started our birthing classes! Finally! We are going the Hypnobirthing method. It's a self hypnosis method to help you deal with the discomfort of labor. In fact they say there is no reason for the pain since it's only muscles tensing and releasing during contractions. They equate the pain that most women feel to the anxiety and tension that most women experience. I guess we will see... I have seen a lot of videos of hypnobirthing (just look at www.youtube.com and search hypnobirthing - there is a great dateline video that explains it).

We also started packing the bag for the hospital so we are prepared! Next week we will start carrying it in the car I suppose just to be ready! So much to pack!!!
clothes for me
clothes for baby
wipes for everyone
socks, shoes etc
toiletries
magazines
sanitary napkins
towels for the car to keep the seats clean
plastic bags (same as above)
birth plan
cell phone
camera
sooo much!!!

On one totally different note had another fox sighting this past week! So neat to see all the animals here. As it's getting cooler the air is crisper and so beautiful here!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Strange dreams and water puffiness...

Went for a walk this morning, what a great morning, it's overcast but beautiful, breezy and the osprey were out hunting - I even saw one with a fish flapping in his claws. But by the time I got back I noticed my hands were puffy... so got home jumped on my Wii to see what the weight change was... 3 pounds in a week... I am thinking water weight... ok I am hoping that's what it is. Very discouraging to see! I have not gained weight like that this entire time... and all of a sudden... poof. Feels like this little guy has very little room to move around lately but he finds a way to squirm plenty!

The breeze is finally truly cooling off - it has to be just under 70 degrees - I opened up allt he windows this morning, the cats are loving it! They are going nuts, it's like they are getting high off the outdoor smells.

So I have been having some strange dreams lately, and they are so very vivid. Last night I dreamed that I was bleeding and had to drive to the hospital on my own... woke me up, and then the night before I had a few interesting couple dreams too. In the first one I was working for the government (not a far stretch) and I was in a strange city - big city - but not one I recognized. I dressed very drab and I had a hat on. But at some point some radical political cult took over the work place, guns, threats etc. And there was much confusion. So much confusion that a group of us got into a formation and walked right out of the building and slowly but surely made it back to our living quarters. Myself and a roommate or neighbor went to our apartment and talked about leaving and packing up a few things and leaving town. At this point I think I woke up.

Another dream last night was more local. I was outside the house, it was overcast and kinda dark, I think I was getting the mail from our mailbox. But all of a sudden, and in slow motion, a big kitty emerged from the brush across the street. It was strange though because I remember it happening so slowly that I was able to consider if it was a lion or a cougar or what before it was upon me. Not sure what happened after that.

Interesting how the mind works. All sorts of strange stuff. Oh and I have been pregnant in most of my dreams except for the one in which I was workign for the government.

Ok so today I am going to work on packing my hospital bag and getting everything I should need if little man shows up early.. and then going to pick up Neil from his mini vaca. I also need tiles.. hmm... more tiles so that we can finish that bathroom, or at this point hire someone to finish that bathroom already. This house needs to be worked!!! ;)

OK off to start my day!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

35 Weeks - and no nursery yet!


We are cutting it close alright!! I would have liked our house to be further along but it's not. We are still pending the completion of the third room in order to move forward with the little man's room. The floor has been a hang up because of the time it takes to put it together. One person, Neil, working alone just makes it so time consuming. We once had friends that would help but that kinda went by the way side.

No negative stuff here... moving forward! Heartburn has been pretty bad lately, brownies are a major offender! SO looks like I will not be eating those much more. . . Neil will be happy to hear that.. more for him! ;) The heartburn has been vicious too! It's not your mild case of indigestion, it's an all out assault on my esophagus! The burn I get is intolerable, and many times there seems so little I can do. I take some Rolaids, but I can't take anything for indigestion if when I take my iron pill... so that causes a damper. So basically I have to suffer... for a little while longer.

My ankles and hips are "looser" than ever and seems that I roll my ankles more and feels funny more often.

My nesting task for today was washing baby clothes! It's so exciting, and I couldn't believe that it took so long to cut all the tags off! I think we have enough clothes to get us started, at least I hope so. I don't know what's enough!! I guess we will see. I also started putting my over night/hospital bag together. I bought some small toiletries, warm socks, baby book, pens, but I guess I have to put a list together so I will not forget anything. I can't find my travel scrabble either... I didn't think it was far... and then there is the ipod, but I use that a lot so I can't just pack it away yet. So you see it's a bit of a challenge. Not only that but if I go into labor and am away from the house that would make Neil have to come back to Annapolis to come get our stuff... Maybe if it gets cooler soon we will be able to keep everything in the car, but it still seems too warm to just leave certain things in the car... ok that was a boring ramble.

So Little Man has been moving a lot! He is strong and I can feel his bottom and shoulders or knees and it's wild. He has been frequenting the top of my uterus and I suppose that's why I get such horrible heartburn.

I have also gotten my first couple of practice contractions! The night before Neil left for his family trip I had my first contraction... OK it was 3 am in the morning, but it was interesting. My tummy got really hard, after the hot shower it all subsided though. Neil's flight was at 0530 so it worked out fine. I wonder if it was stress related?

So five weeks left if he comes on time! I just can't believe it! The time has gone by so fast! But I am so tired lately! I just don't feel like doing much lately... in the morning is the only time I have "umph" and by 1300/1400 I am about done, tired!

I keep wondering what it will all be like, what will it be like to feel him? I can't wait!