Monday

I am supposed to be at work. Neil said it's a bad day. So I am going to have to wing it and do what I can. I can take care of this and that this morning and then leave the babe with Neil. Fun. I need to square away child care!

Ok, so the days are flying by, I can't believe it's December tomorrow!

Motherhood has been a joy but it has put into perception how much time we as humans waste on the BS. Life is too short, and there are more important things, but how do you shrug it all aside. I feel guilty because I want to return to work, I feel guilty that I have to put the little man in Child care, I hate it. But I am excited he will meet other babies and have an opportunity to socialize himself so he can make friends as he grows. But I will miss all our day time breastfeedings. I am not looking forward to pumping at work. No siree. But it's what I am going to have to do, period. I fear it all, but I feel like I want to be in the Navy again too! Neil doesn't seem to understand that. Do the men really get it? Do they understand? I wish I could just stay home and that would make it better.

OK, well we are going to get Gus' belly button check out today, medical paperwork for child care, dental for me hopefully - I am sure I have a couple cavities and then try to organize this house a bit. It's a nightmare!!!

Christine Canons?

So if you had a Porn Star name what would it be?

Christine Canons.

I awoke at 5 am today having slept all night ! Gus did not wake me once and he was next to me all night long!!!! I couldn't believe it! I am not sure if the baby woke me (he was farting a storm - and struggling to get them out) or if the pressure valves of my breasts were bursting. They were rock hard and super uncomfortable. Gustave was too asleep and it would be too frustrating for him to try to siphon some milk off so I went and pumped... 6 ounces came out!!! In like 10 minutes!!! And he still had left overs! The body is an incredible machine!!!!

So that was my morning - well that and the first time since the doctor cleared me of my 6 week check up. I got an IUD installed yesterday. For those reading that don't know what that is (some of our men) it's a little copper (in my case) bar that is put in the cervix and that will be birth control - it will prevent eggs from becoming babies in my body. So that stung a little yesterday in the doctor's office, but well, we will see. To say the least this morning I found out that my body is not totally ready for the spelunking.

I am ready to go back to work though. The doctor said something that rang clearly in my mind yesterday. He said are you taking any time to yourself - are you enjoying time for you. And I answered with the fact that breastfeeding allows me to slow down and enjoy just the baby and the whole experience. He shook his head and rephrased the question. Is your husband taking the baby off your hands and allowing you to get out and go to the mall or just do stuff for yourself, I looked at him rather perplexed, and quietly answered, "no, not really". Hmm... yes I have to ask for more time from Neil but we also have a house to work on, it's a balance we have to achieve. But I was due back to work today and well, guess what, Neil was too far behind with work so I had to stay with the little one, not that I mind but I was looking forward to a few minutes doing something I love. sigh. Thankfully my mother flies in today and my brother will be in town too. I am looking forward to the extra hands and support. I feel like my errands are piling up! The Bank, pick up thread to finish the curtains, post office to mail and ebay sale, make a few returns at a few different stores, drop off paperwork at work for my baby leave, extend my leave, work on some "take home work projects" that I was trying to accomplish. Ugh.. it just seems there is a million little things but Gustave tethers me to a two hour limit on things or well causes me to have to breastfeed on the road, which is ok, but uncomfortable sometimes.

Ok that's my vent today - If I only had anohter set of hands like Shiva does I would be blessed to be able to accomplish more! Well if Gustave didn't want to be held all the time either! He just loves being held or in his vibrating bouncy.

((Sigh))... Oh how I love this little man but what great changes he brings to life!

Sweat and Tears and new uniforms.

Tears.

His tear ducts have developed! Now he can really cry it out! J/K... He was crying the other day and we noticed his tears came in! He has also started practicing holding his head up, and its entirely amusing to watch him do so. He gets really quiet, up noggin', wobble wobble, down noggin', take break, up, down, wobble, it's adorable. The only thing I wish he would change is the time of day he decides to do it, it seems it's always 730-8pm he starts playing around and wanting to seriously interact with us. Must be his internal clock. I remember when I was pregnant that is when he really would kick about.

So many little milestones to celebrate! One of the biggest is the fact he has outgrown his newborn onsies, so we are moving out of some of his first month's clothing. He's so cute too, he just seems to get cuter each day - I stare at him constantly.

Gustave seems to be getting so big so fast. I pick him up and he feels heavier, I suppose that will keep happening! I better start using a boppy or pillow to feed this young man just to help hold him up. I now know why people would need one. I was beginning to wonder it's worth.

Sweat.

I went for a run Saturday morning and this morning I also hope to get another small one in to help me get back into my groove. It's still rough but it was easier than the first day a few weeks ago. I have been trying to weigh myself in on the Wii Fitness scale and it seems I have stopped loosing weight magically, I will have to work a little harder to get the last 25 pounds off. I am weighing in at 140 as of this morning (and last week too).

I also find that I am still sweating profusely some nights, but it was not as bad as some people made it seem. I suppose the hormones are still leaving the body as my hair still has yet to fall out...

Well it's 0615 am and Neil is putting Gustave to sleep... we will see. Neil really is the one who suffers with the sleep loss. He does not like it one bit. But I can only hope that his sleeping patterns will adjust in time and Neil can regain some normal function again.

Clothes Shopping.

There is something that they should tell new mothers - Don't shop for new clothes until month 2 or 3 or 4. I went to the store the other day to buy a new uniform, figuring I was going to pop into work for a few days weeks before the xmas holiday. I had to try on a size 16 (they run really big... Pre-pregnancy I wore a size 5/6 in normal clothing and size 10 in uniforms), and when I looked in the mirror I was horrified. You have to understand that the female Khaki comes up to the natural waist, and with the extra weight sitting right around there, I look like super foopa. Oh it was scary and I tried on a larger shirt because of my newer chestier figure, and I just looked gi-normous. Oh it was sad, I took the clothes off quickly and threw them in the corner of the changing room opposite to where I had Gustave sitting watching the horror.

It doesn't end there. I continue to wear maternity pants but I want to get back into normal pants that have a button and so on. So I bought a pair of comfy North Face pants with zips that convert them to shorts if need be. I bought a size 8 - thinking this will be more than enough. Nope-wrong again - no tears, I just took them off very fast and returned them. Oh the horror. I think I will not do clothes shopping for another few weeks. And I can only hope that while my mother is here for Thanksgiving the topic will not come up. She can be vicious without ever meaning harm - she wanted me to buy a scale the last time she was here - I was mortified, and glad we never did pick one up.

Well off I go back upstairs (or do some work - doing some side work for a friend)... Gustave should be calmer now but if not, I am sure Neil will enjoy me taking him off his hands.

Gus celebrates 1 Month!

Celebrate, we have made it to one month and yes just as every other mother told me, it gets easier as time passes.

Gustave has become a wonderful eater and he even sleeps sometimes. But he has taken to biting a little - he will definitely let me know he is there sometimes! Other times he is just wonderful - every 2 hours (sometimes every hour when he's cranky), and at night he will go as long as 5 hours stints sometimes. Like I said, lucky! Breastfeeding certainly has it's challenges and has made me less modest in and of the least. I feel so "au natural"! I found out the Annapolis Mall has a Family area with private rooms to breast feed, so that makes mall walking easier... I have a place for us to do our thing.

The only major problem is wardrobe. My wardrobe has completely become challenged. I dress according on boob access. Yes, so I still don't get to try my clothes on - but that maybe a good thing. I am quiet sensitive as to the weight still, so it's probably better I do not try on any of my pre-pregnancy clothes just yet. Maybe a couple more weeks. (Sorry Harmony, I am still using one of your pants, I will send it soon!). Keeps me in a better mood!

I am also finally getting on an eating schedule for myself. Oatmeal in the morning keeps me going, yogurt and Fruit and Nut bars for snacks (and the occasional handful of brazil nuts), and lunch is usually a toaster muffin with cream cheese and maybe an egg. Dinner is different each day but I have been making large meals and freezing them as when I go back to work I think it will all be way more difficult. So stocking up on meals now!

Been storing milk too - for Gus. I have taken to pumping after all his meals. Basically I siphon off whatever he did not take and save it, once I reach 4-5 ounces of milk - it goes into the freezer. Figure he is going to need like 30 oz.s a day - so I need to stock up big time!! Or at least for that first day at day care when we have to drop him off... ugh..

So speaking of Day Care....
It is so difficult to find day care. The Family Care Moms from base have not called me back. The one we were excited about is booked, and the base day care is full still for infants. So now we are waiting, and it's a bit of a problem, I have to return to work! Ugh... so might have to hire a nanny if we can't get on post or off post. We will see. I am trying out a locater service to see if the can find me something available sooner.

Oh and the other big development is that Gustave is moving out of some of his newborn clothes. He's growing!!!

Baby Bottoms and Poop!

So babies bottoms are synonymous with diaper rash.

Poor little things! His bottom is too cute to be looking so painful! ! We have desitin and we have some aveeno Zinc stuff. . . but doesn't seem to be working. I suppose it does create a barrier and we are changing his diaper frequently but it just looks like it gets redder every time I change him!

Poor little guy! Breast-milk poop is really strange looking... looks like yellow cottage cheese.. eww. But it's normal from what we know! I ensured to google some pictures of baby poop... I know.. gross, but I wanted reassurance, and since we have information at our finger tips, hey why not?

So pooping your pants brings up a memory from a couple weeks ago just after giving birth. Incontinence was not only saved for my urine, but I was doing something and all of sudden I was like Neil.. got to go! I have to go! And well... I didn't make it to the bathroom. I think my mother was still here and it was early in the morning and I had a huge sanitary pad on so I saved my underwear but WOW. I was surprised, I had never! Poop, what a funny thing. I stopped taking my iron supplements (with my doc's blessing) so I would ensure to make soft poop so as not to irritate my newly acquired hemorrhoids. Yup, it was fine, coming off iron helped, and not taking my stool softners helped too (we were going too too soft) and I would like to proudly report that my hemorrhoids are just about gone! Yeah! I am so much more comfortable in that department now! But I did find, with the handy use of a mirror, that I still have all my stitches. I guess those will last a few more weeks. We will see.

So from the other end of Baby Gus, we have a lot of spit up! It's impressive sometimes how much curdled milk comes back up the wrong end. I feel so bad but he does not look too uncomfortable... except for the cold wetness that his clothes become. Needless to say we do a lot of laundry (daily affair) and have a lot of clothing changes. We also have to change mommy a few times a day if I don't get the burp cloth down in time. So we are getting more coordinated with burping and we found (thanks to Heather!!) that utilizing Mylicon for infant gas, helps tremendously! He has so much gas, at both ends! it hurts him and he's pretty up set by it, but these little drops, used at meals helps all the way!! Yeah!

OK... well enough for today about the wet things that come from my little man's orifices.

All our best!

3 Weeks!

So Gustave and I are settling into a routine, or at least getting better acquainted with our roles as mother and baby. Finding out that babies make all sorts of noises and practice moving and making noise all day long. "They" are supposed to sleep 16 hours a day, but I do not think we are there yet.

He's also not in a feeding routine. Sometimes he want to eat all day - every top of the hour! It's amazing he can put all that food away! But then again he spits up a lot of milk too. Other days he can go 2-3 hrs no problem and we have a hard time waking him up to eat. So it's hit or miss still, I suppose in a month or two we will have some sort of routine for eating.

Gustave has his first bath on Halloween. Neil and I both hunched over the bath tub and put his little blue bath tub in there. He seemed to love the warm water, so he was easy to bathe, except he was so small he would slide around a lot. Hehe.. he also peed on me while we were waiting on his bath - boys pee a lot! He got me four times yesterday! I am learning to keep a diaper over the little launcher before turning my head to get the desitin.

At this point his belly button is fully healed (the stump fell off at day 7), a little scab is about to fall of his scalp where the heart monitor was screwed into his skin, his circumcision is fully healed just needs frequent cleaning (something called smegma accumulates). He's doing great. I think we may have some Thrush or acne on his face, looks harmless and doc says he's fine! He seems to have a few scratches on his face from his little sharp nails, so he wears a lot of shirts with mittens - best thing ever!

In fact for other first time moms out there - buy onsies that wrap under the diaper and that have mittens if you can. Shirts that do not snap on the bottom just end up around their chest constantly.

So for today's funnies...

Things I am learning as a first time mom in today's age:

1. My only connection to the outside world is Facebook

2. Blisters aren't just for feet any more! Discover Nipple Blisters - ouch! We will see how long it lasts. It showed up yesterday.

3. Hand writing Birth announcements was unnecessary as we already sent everyone pictures via email. But still, we went traditional and I did it anyways, it has taken me the past three weeks!

4. Laundry is a daily task. We go through a few outfits every day - it's amazing how many times you can spit up and pee on your clothes when you are only days old.

5. There is a difference between spit up and vomit - it's in the force.

6. It's ok to let the house cleaning slide. I have to let things go.

7. There is a need for extra hours in a day. I feel like I can't get everything done!

8. Women do better with less sleep, men don't.

9. Grandmothers cannot get enough pictures and share a special bond with the little guy. And baby talk is good for the little ones, they respond best to higher pitched voices.

10. Learn how to use the stroller/car seat prior to baby's arrival. In my first experience taking the car seat off the frame after a visit to the personnel department - I couldn't get the car seat off the frame!! I had to call Neil, in a slight frantic mood, and ask him to walk me through it! :0

11. Make sure if you are having a baby that you have a very comfy couch. I sit in my couch most of the day with him while we are getting used to breastfeeding. He barely lets me get up sometimes.

OK well it's been fun and just as everyone has told me it does get better. It seems every day he gets better at breastfeeding, which makes that easier and that I am getting used to getting him in and out of the car. Getting out of the house takes a lot more time now... More in weeks to come!